My own form of Meditation


At first I thought my process was a form of meditation. The goal of most meditations is using a technique, a mantra, breathing, chant, or just sitting, to reach a state of pure awareness by silencing conscious thinking. I was not looking for a pure awareness state but for a communications between conscious-subconscious and awareness levels. For me, most formal techniques took a certain amount of thinking just to continue inward and often when I was distracted, the process of returning to my mantra generally brought me back up to reality. Also, if I went too far in, my head would start to drop forward and at ascertain point; my head would sap back and bring me back up. Nowhere did I read that lying down was a good position for meditation for many meditation forms stated that while lying down, you were likely to go to sleep, not meditate. So I had to rule out many techniques.


I remembered one technique, chanting the word/sound “Om” or pronounced, “Aum”, brought me into a relaxed conscious state that I also experienced even when I was thinking. By slow deep chant breathing, my total body was much more relaxed and if interrupted, the breathing came back automatically. I found that when using the chant I was much more in the  "Here and now" so much so that even when I was driving up the mountain roads to our village, the chanting made everything clearer and the 3D more pronounced; I was more able to respond quicker to sudden changes in conditions. From this I learned that a conscious form of thought could actually change the way I perceived reality.


My main concentration was on breathing although, since I used deep stomach breathing for so many things, I never thought of it as meditation by itself. I used deep breathing just to bring me into a more relaxed, peaceful, here and now state. Whether it was; while walking with my dog, as a relaxing moment before eating (Grace), or before doing something in public, two or three deep breaths always made me relax. I decided to try this while lying on my back before I went to sleep. I chose this time because of my previous memories of scientist wanting to get paid for sleeping and while being a consultant getting answers when I went to sleep thinking about a presentation for a client. I felt most open to the life force when I was on my back and could physically and mentally relax very quickly and accept new thoughts far beyond what I thought possible.


The first time I had trouble with my conscious mind giving up control. In the morning I came up with the idea to talk to my mind voice and explain that we needed to work together; could he relax and enjoy the experience? I wanted to learned to "meditate", not by silencing my mind, but by integrating all my human functions as equals in a synergistic form, seeing and solving internal stress differences in a peaceful manner ending with a clear understanding and a beautiful solution.


In essence what I was doing was creating a procedural memory entry to my creatively process conscious requests.


I found that no way did I want to miss a moment of my active meditation, and have not yet fallen asleep. Since I am in a comfortable position with all my body supported, there is no worry of my head dropping and if I need to go back to me meditation after a distraction, I just keep breathing my normal way. Since my whole body is involved in the meditation, I am free to gently change positions without interrupting my meditation. I use this a lot, for as I explore a certain awareness, I can move my hands to rest on the charka involved, giving more energy from my hands to my experience. If at times, I have had a meaningful experience, I can just roll over to one side and pause the meditation to allow the thoughts to absorb into my being. As this meditation takes place, I have no fear or concern and can just let the joy and good feeling of the experience continue. I am aware that I am here, participating with all parts of my system working together. This includes my mind which not trying to control but is an equal partner in the synergy of the experience.


I am aware of when a particular session is over because my eyes will automatically open, my breathing will be less deep, and I will feel the pleasant felling of being alive. I usually meditate in the early hours of the morning, around 3AM; it is quiet, no one calls or interrupts me, and my body has already had some good sleep and is ready to explore the unknown. I do not need to use my hearing aids since all the voices are from inside me. There is no need to be serious; I often will break up laughing when some parts of my system add a new dimension to a previously thought of a dichotomy that makes it so stupidly simple that I can’t believe no one has worked it out before. There are many mornings that I have verified an answer and have yet to find something illogical or undoable.

 A few years later, while I was working on awareness and consciousness, I was reading about awareness in Wikipedia and found a reference "Yoga nidra" so I looked it up. Its description fit exactly to what was happening to me during my 3 AM sessions.