Free non-judgmental thinking


A thought, rather a memory, came to me; I was in counseling and having a problem on how to be with the kids when I had just driven home, a tiresome commute from the city and they came running up to meet me getting out of the car. Being tired I had a hard time responding to them and they, and I were not happy with the homecoming. The counselor said to me, “Children have a short attention span. As you drive up the road to your house, put any desires you may have had aside. As you get out of the car, give them you undivided attention. Ask them how their day was and what they were doing.” So I did just that. They came running up to me, full of energy, giving me a hug, all smiles and energy. I asked them what they were doing and they gleefully replied. When I responded, “Sounds like a good time.” they jumped up and down and ran off to continue with their play. I was free to go into the house, happy myself that it was such a nice welcome.


I don’t know why, but I realized that maybe that would work with my meditation/thinking.  I asked my thinking voice, “Would you like go off and think whatever you want? I will just be aware/watch what you are thinking; no judgments, interference, or criticism, no bad or good, I’ll just watch.” My thinking responded with a “Really, I could do that? No judgments or interference?” “Yeap” I replied and settled back to relax and see what would happen.


There was a momentary pause were nothing happened, but I just waited. Then pictures and feelings flooded my head, of killing, rape, war, throwing hand grenades. I just sat, watching with no thoughts or judgments. This went on for about 20 seconds, I guess for time has no meaning in observer state. Suddenly, all  thinking  stopped; but only for a moment when a new set of pictures and feelings came flooding in. These were all beautiful, warm, vibrant, loving images. They lasted for about 20 seconds and then disappeared. Then the strangest thing happened, “NOTHING, absolutely nothing”. No sound, light, images, pictures, and no thinking, just my knowing I was aware of being there. Another 10 seconds or so passed and I came back to my conscious mind with my thinking still there. We both just sat there, in silent being. Then it was like we both said “Wow” at the same time. We were both aware of the unique thing that just happened.


After, as I thought about it, I actually was aware of myself as an observer, sitting watching the "conscious experience" happen. Was I aware of my observer which I now call my awareness watching a conscious mind happening, or was it all just a hallucination? Yet it was a good reaction to my question.


What I also realized it was that my rational thinking, a western way of looking at life, had brought me directly to the eastern philosophy, both in me all the time. My scientific training made me set up tests to see if it could be repeated. I let this happen to me twice more. The "Wow" wasn’t as strong but there was always two sides, opposites, but knowing that everything in between also existed and was in balance. In one I experienced a balance to a movie theme, "The good, the bad and the Ugly" which was transformed to "The beautiful, the good, the bad and the ugly"; again a balance between two extremes. I had experienced, not only thinking outside the box, but with no boundaries, a state I now call “free thinking”.


Could I use this to see solutions to conflicts to current problems? May be, but first I had to experience and learn more.